Too Funny

I was checking my stats on Site Meter and came across one of the Referral URLs. Sorry, but this is not really how I thought I would be run across. If this keeps up. I might start a URL Referral of the Week post. Keyword search on yahoo was for: fruits and vegetables cleanse the blood? I came up number 1 with the blurb:

Cleanse the World; Rivers of Blood ... Cleanse the World; Rivers of Blood. The psychotic ramblings of a clinically depressed midget with ... contracting foodborne illness from fresh fruits and vegetables and other foods: ...

Wowsa

Ok, I dunno if it's me or blogger, but I just got my previous comments back...This is getting spooky, cause I know for damned sure they weren't there a minute ago. I checked the goddamned archives. I need alcohol. Mazeltov.

How Weird

I clicked on a couple of things and apparently got the comments working again. Though I seem to have lost the comments made on previous posts. If you are at all confused you have to click on the time and it will open another window with the original post where it states Post a Comment.

Well, hello there!

Welcome to the updated blog. New, Improved and Noncommentable! I have to figure out how the hell to get this fixed. BTW, don't see M. Night Shamalamadingdong's The Village . It was predictable, and quite boring.

Cooking

I was reading a post on a friends blog about cooking and my comment to it made me think of a weird little quirk I have. When I'm not feeling particularly happy with life. Whether I'm anxious about something, or scared about something, or just not feeling up to par, I cook. I've been cooking like a banshee when I've been home the past couple of weeks. I've made banana crumb muffins, blueberry pound cake, oatmeal cookies, scones, crumpets, apple dumplings, shrimp bisque,chocolate chunk cookies, ice cream, been barbequing salmon, steaks, and chicken wings, and a myriad of other items. The weird thing about it is that it's not JUST the cooking that does "it" for me, it's feeding it to someone else and having them appreciate my efforts and feel the love and depth of feeling that I put into a dish or baked good. Lately, since I'm single, I cook, and most of it goes to waste. I try to pawn it off on friends, but that usually backfires because my grandmother grew up in the depression era and has this "thing" about giving food away to strangers....yet..they won't eat most of it because I cook "white people food" go figure. Anywho, I grew up in an italian family (yes, I'm black, stop being confused Bou), and it's damned near impossible to cook in small quantities. You are always prepared to feed a large army or small country, depending on how much freezer/refrigerator space you have. But, in writing my comment on LJ's board, I came to realize "Food IS Love". There is NOTHING compared to rolling out pasta dough by hand, running it through the Atlas pasta machine, cutting out your shapes, filling and rolling up your tortellini into those funny belly-button shapes, EXCEPT for the near orgasmic moans coming from a friend who has never had fresh, home-made HAND-made pasta before. There's nothing like adding that chiffonade of basil to your tomato sauce as a final addition EXCEPT having someone eating your dish of choice asking which brand of spaghetti sauce you used, because it's to die for, only to tell them it's your brand, and not to be bottled or branded because it never turns out the same way twice. Hell, I still get comments about the jambalaya I made for a get-together 2-3 years ago where they offer to give me money to make it again, provided I remember to remove the shells from the shrimp next time. Hahahah, ok, so there have been a few mistakes, but it was still damned tasty. And I doubt that it would have been so tasty if I hadn't taken two days to make it. I created the andouille sausage from scratch, found the largest, freshest shrimp I could find, used hand chopped garlic, and did a myriad of other things to make that dish MINE...When you cook for those you love, you can do nothing less than impart a bit of yourself into a dish and it's that attention to detail involved in creating the final product that makes it so damned good for the cook and their happy, full-bellied diner.

Where are those happy pills when you need them?

Well, it seems my depression is getting worse. I've reached the point where I'm crying (and I am NOT a crier except when pets or close relatives die), completely lost my appetite (though I got foully hungry yesterday right after the dentist told me I couldn't eat for 2 hours - psychosomatic I'm sure), either sleeping for 16+ or 3 hours a day, completely no motivation do do basic things like bathe (I'm down to 1 shower a day *sigh*), and the only people I would like to see are the kids of one set of my friends. Sooooo, suffice it to say my world is not full of puppy dogs, fluffy clouds and rainbows. And until I get a better perspective on things and will most decidedly not cause a few of my scant amount of readers to consider blowing a hole through their OWN heads, I'm going to take a little break. I shall be forced to hang out with friends next Saturday (If I'm still here - not meaning anything ominous by it, just might go visit my friend in Wisconsin next weekend)so human interaction will be kept at a minimum. Well, if Grau remembers to call me about the movie today I might go do that, but he won't..or else he'll cancel - 'tis his modus operandi. So all bets are on my self-inflicted solitude. Maybe I can get enough motivation to clean up the boxes I had to move today. (Seems every vestige of my existence had to be removed from the living room. I am a non-person. HA!) There might be an odd post or two this week. Or else I have just jinxed myself into a plethora of posting. Kind of like I did after that last rant I had about no one reads my site, so I'm done..and then I got some responses and I felt bad so I posted a bunch of shit within the next few days. But, I promise that it won't be "poor me...*wah, wah...my life sucks" type crap. I wish I had money for booze. Damn, I might have to go to a friend's house to get all liquored up tonight...There goes self-inflicted solitude.

Ahhhh, Good Times

Well, remember that job interview I was supposed to hear about yesterday before end of business? Well, today, around 3:30-4:30 I found out that I did not get the job...SURPRISE!!! Since I don't really have a customer service background - and the second round of interviews didn't go as swimmingly as the first - I pretty much knew the outcome of that venture. But, the interview I went for at the beginning of this week...the girl liked me so much she recommended me to another lady with a position that required a "higher skillset than the previous position [I] applied for". So, she wants me to come in Monday for another interview. She seemed really apologetic for asking me to come back to the same place so soon. It probably won't pan out, but I can try to look at the positive side and consider that I am at least getting good interview practice. I seem to be getting better at bs'ing and not sounding like a complete ignoramous when confronted with real-live one-on-one convos with strangers.

Gimps 'r Us

I'm thinking of doing an online store sort of like this one: The Gimp Store. Except I have a few other ideas for posters, art, jewelry. The owner says she will link to me on her site. I figure there might be a niche market for my particular brand of humor. Though, nothing I ever really attempt is very successful. Oh, this site Gimps Gone Wild, I find to be kinda disturbing in a way, though...can't quite put my finger on WHY. I mean gimp-lovers need porn too.

Freaking OUT!!

I have been freaking out all day waiting to hear back about the two jobs I interviewed for.  I am supposed to hear back about the one in Itasca by EOB today. Not particularly thinking I got that one, but they "like me" (their words not mine). The job in town that I interviewed for on Monday was supposed to let me know by the end of the week, but I called today to see if they would have a decision by Friday, and to ask if I was still in contention (yeah, I know faux pas). She stated that they wouldn't have a final decision until the end of next week.  Good lord...I am the queen of instant gratification and have been completely nerve-wracked with all of this waiting. Every time the phone rings I feel like one of Pavlov's salivating dogs - running to the nearest phone at top speed. I do not run, so this is major. Today I spent a crapload of time on the phone trying to maintain my singular network contact for IT. I suck at networking and wish they offered free classes at the library. I am not a people person and feel stupid calling people up and trying to bs with them "Ohh, so how are you doing? How are the kids? Will you hire me or tell me about someone who IS hiring???? PLEASE...OH GOD..PLEASE???" He's a really nice guy, but he seems to be up shit creek lately too. Everyone in this town as far as IT is concerned is up shit creek. Well, I made an appointment with the local CMS office to talk to a career councilor about possible state titles I could apply for.  The governor FINALLY approved the budget so they should be able to negotiate how the money is to be spent within departments and begin their hiring processes soon for sorely needed staff.  I'm hoping to get in on the ground floor, wait things out for 6 months and then apply for something I'm actually qualified for.  Weird thing is, the lowest position they said I qualified for was an Office Assistant type position that pays around $25k a year. The ones I ACTUALLY qualified for were more like $45-50k a year. I am REALLY REALLY hoping that I manage to do well with whatever testing I have to take, and that my resume gets me decent points so that I can at least be held for consideration once they begin bringing people on in earnest. I really need a fucking job. I am getting soooo bummed out about this whole unemployment thing. It makes me feel as if everything I have worked towards these past few years was a pointless endeavor and a COMPLETE and utter waste of time. Everyone spouts the "something will come up soon" thing, but I'm starting to wonder. Something better come up soon, cause I've been having dreams of deep-throating the rifle in the basement.

What does the future hold

Ok, I have officially informed the youngin' that I'm going to try him out. Again, not so sure it's going to work out, but...*whines* he's niiiiice...settling isn't THAT bad is it? My brother stopped over here to mow the lawn, and I invited myself over for grilled cheese sandwiches. We sat and talked for hours. After we were done complaining about the psycho bitch which spawned us, he told me about a really kickass program he is enrolled in at the community college here. This immediately made me think "Why the FUCK don't I just enroll, it's FREE!!!" It's called a program cluster for a mass communications program. In case you don't want to go there and check out the class info, here is the summary paragraph from the site:

The Mass Communication Program at Rock Valley College is designed to give students a comprehensive education in Audio, Video, and Motion Picture production. Our production courses are taught in a state of the market multi-media facility using state of the market digital cameras, non-linear editors and digital recording equipment. Students begin hands on training on the first day of class, and are given 24-hour a day, 7 day a week access to the Center for Media Production.

After that, I can either go for my MBA, or go to a culinary arts program somewhere. They also offer this same program at a GREAT college in the Chicago suburbs near where I used to work at; I think I would even be able to pay the lower tuition based on our local community college rate ($51/credit hour). I can't do what I want to do...which is sing...so I might as well go for something else fairly interesting. My dad used to do commercials in our city before he moved to Chicago, and my brother wants to be a director. It makes me feel a tad weird about it since he's 9 years younger than me, but...it really sounds great from what he has been describing. For chrissakes, I'm almost 30 and have done nothing with my life. Yes, I've had a bit more excitement than the average bear, but I yearn for so much more than just looking for a damned office job. I want to do something that requires some creative thought. This would all be so much easier if I didn't have that brand new fucking car - if I only knew then what I know now. My car payments were about $200 less a month and the insurance was lower too. This is a huge chunk of cash when your total amount in unemployment checks per month does not even add up to you weekly checks while employed...*contemplates - Well, there was that issue of the motor "probably" exploding whenever I turned the thing on, so I shouldn't bitch too much.*

Not going to Job Interview

Well, I had printed out directions for the interview yesterday, but didn't look at them well apparently. I know I am not the most perceptive person on the face of the planet lol; but this morning I came to realize that the street I'm supposed to be on doesn't exist. And since I have no desire to drive 2 hours away and search for my final location, I just called and cancelled. Whatever..I'm not in a good mood anyway. But, now I have nothing to do today...Hmmmm.... Oh, btw, yesterday's second interview sucked. But, there's always Monday...or Delaware..or back to school, or... I REALLY need to find myself a Sugar Daddy!

I'm Still Alive

Ok, I just got home. That was a fucking weirdass date, and I have an interview in a few hours so I have to go to bed. Just wanted to get this out so no one went calling the police. I do NOT think I will be seeing this guy again. Genuinely sweet guy and very gentlemanly - opened doors, pulled out my chair, etc , but..well he's 22, and a bit too immature for me to deal with...and he grossed out too easily when I farted (didn't gross him out enough though).  I am so not into the juvenile hand holding, "can I kiss you, yer so purty" thing. And he kept STARING at me...I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I don't care what anyone says, it always makes me think the guy is a homicidal maniac (especially since I don't make much eye contact). Then the basically begging for affection and having weird passive aggressive temper tantrums when I wouldn't kiss or hold his hand...well..I did smack him a couple of times. I'm not a cuddler, a "hold me", "kiss me and tell me that you love me" kinda girl. I just wanna watch porn, eat pizza and jump you in the middle of the night cause I'm spontaneously horny, have an intelligent conversation about some esoteric topic where no one can prove they are right or wrong, roll over and fall asleep kinda girl. Ok, well I do the "hold me" crap when my cramps get bad...but, that's about it, except for one guy I was with. He was the only one I could actually fall asleep if he was cuddling with me. Anyone else I waited til they fell asleep, rolled over, and created a blanket/sheet barrier from skin-to-skin contact. I just feel REALLY bad, cause he didn't have that much money and spent most of it on me today, and I left making a bunch of excuses when he asked if we would get to see each other again soon. Told him I had nerd day, and maybe a family obligation or two, and since I didn't know when/where I'd be working I couldn't make any promises; at which point he said he could take the bus out to my city (has no car, typical in Chicago) and I know I had that deer trapped in headlights look. I don't even remember what the fuck I said, I just tried to run away. I was so addled he even got a kiss after I got into my car and tried to slam the door on him. Gawd....will I EVER find a guy with the qualities I'm looking for? Or will they all be sorta...well, freaks, psychos, or completely adoring guys who are just not my type? Can't there be a completely adoring guy who IS my type out there??? I mean intelligence, sense of humour, honesty, ambition, and physical attraction....jesus are they that hard to come by? Ok, maybe I know what my friends mean by my being picky: I can't deal with people I can't hold conversations with, nor can I deal with ugly people touching me..cept for friends during my graduation party. *snickers and ducks*

Sidebar

Can someone tell me why the fuck my sidebar is way down there? I think it was fine a few days ago??

Why My Friends Suck - Bitchfest

Ok, in my last post I mentioned something about my friends sucking.  I figure I should clarify before I get blackballed from the group from the one entire day I get to hang out with them per month. First of all, they're great for emotional support and all that crap. Especially considering the fact they are all guys.  But it'd be nice if they did things like:

• Put me on their gate list.  Come on it's been 2 years already...I'm starting to get a complex, and have come to realize your promises mean shit...*glares at Grau*
• Called to see if I was alive every once and awhile.  No excuse not to call my house cause of the Gestapoesque questioning session because I have a cell phone now.
• Stopped considering me to have female parts and allowed me to get together with them more than once a month cause the other times they get together is "guys night". Ok..I'm just bitter over that one cause I don't really ever get to see my friends.
• Drugged their kids so they could get out of their goddamned houses to go to Hooters or a movie once and awhile.

Second of all, my friends are all married and most of them have kids so I understand they have responsibilities. But sometimes, I swear they come up with the lamest excuses.   I cannot believe the response to the post about going on a date with a psycho to see spiderman 2 where people said I never asked them to hang out..I call bullshit. Especially to the one with the notoriously HORRID memory. (I swear SOMEONE we know and luv, has Early Onset Alzheimer's...more commonly referred to as CRS.)  I have even asked anonymous poster "S" to hang out! I just don't think he likes me much though, so I gave up on him LOL. Though, I had a blast the last time. "Watch out for snakes!" Trust me, my friends are great for letting me come by and hang out with them. I do appreciate that, but it just sort of makes me feel like I'm interrupting their lives.  I sometimes feel like if I didn't bother keeping in touch with them and I moved away or died or something, it would be months later before anyone realized it. And the sad thing is, it would probably be Contagion who realized it because I didn't respond to the monthly Nerd Day email, or show up to a reenactment event. I was actually really surprised anyone showed up for my graduation party last year. I was touched, but really could have done without the excessive hugging crap. Ewwww!! I think the reason this whole thing bugs me the most is because 1) I know that they call and email each other to catch up, 2) In the past, I have been told by people that they  are ashamed to be seen with me in public...and as illogical as I know it is, I still wonder if that is the main reason no one wants to make time for me; and why I have to press so hard to spend quality time with friends.  Either that, or I am a complete friggin social retard who is horrifically annoying (the latter is more believable). I hate feeling like I'm the only one making an effort to stay in touch. I do luv my friends. I just wish...I dunno...maybe that they would take some time to acknowledge I'm here. Well, at least until I move..then I have to make new friends and will promptly forget about them.

Dutch Guy

Well, just sent an email to the Dutch guy... Keep forgetting about him because we only tend to send email back and forth 1-2 days a week. We've been in contact since the beginning of the year, and every time he has called me (approx every other week for the past few months) I am sleeping or don't catch my phone in time - I refuse to make international calls. Finally got around to asking him wtf he's looking for, since there is the huge distance issue. He had mentioned previously about my coming out for a visit (I do miss Holland so *whistful sigh*, and not just the pot either), but due to my being broke and his weird work schedule it hasn't really seemed a very feasible option at this point in time. I tend to think people are kidding around about stuff like that - offering to fly me to foreign countries, etc...I should know better by now. There is also the psycho factor. All of my friends and contacts from the Netherlands are no longer there, so it's not like I'd have a place to go to besides Sweden or the US Embassy if things went horribly awry. (Think: "It puts the lotion on its' skin or else it gets the hose again!") But, damn..he's got the SEXIEST voice...and judging from the multitude of pics he's sent me....Oh la LA!! I don't figure anything will come of it, but I sort of don't mind things being the way they are. I always have had "relationship issues". I tend to go for guys that are emotionally unavailable or from western european countries that I cannot afford to go to...My main concern is completely irrational: If I blab to him about going out with the puerto rican guy, or that other guy that seems to be on the verge of asking me out, what if he gets pissed? I mean, who cares.  He's in friggin' europe and we have never met sooooo, duh. But, I don't wanna come across like I'm using him for pics and that deep manly voice that makes me just melt. I wouldn't really give a rats ass if he didn't try to call me at least every other week. I gotta figure if someone is making international calls like that, telling me about, and sending pics of their relatives they must be interested in more than just a convo that could easily be had via email. Not like he tries to get me to have phonesex with him or anything; and he has voiced concerns about my more perverted comments. Once he said he was afraid I only wanted him for sex. Wasn't sure if he was being facetious or not but...I'm not a whore, or a free spirit that spreads her legs for anything with a dick LOL. I guess I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing til I find out what's going on. I sort of wish he hadn't called me yesterday, because I sure as shit forgot about him again. Now I just feel guilty, for no apparent reason. I'm single, and if I found out he was dating other women I could care less. At this point we're just friends, if we're even that. Beside, I need new friends...My friends suck. 

Interview-a-rama

Holy crap, it seems I am a hot commodity for job interviews lately. I get the call for the second interview at that one place, I had two other interviews prior to that (one I turned down, the other has been waiting for someone to return from Asia), I have another one Saturday, and one on Monday. Ok, the one on Saturday is friggin HYSTERICAL! I submitted my resume for an Office Administrator Position, no big, didn't expect to hear back from them. Well, a few days later a girl called and said that I had to submit my salary and benefit requirements via email to be considered.  (This is so funny because there are only 3 employees in the company that are not in a union, so I figured I would NEVER get a call back after making the following demands.) Well, I told them I would accept $40k per year (+/- $3k) based upon experience and education (I have more of both than was required) , Health, Dental, and company matching up to 6% for 401K. And I specifically noted I was negotiable on all issues and that the following criteria were a starting point. That way, not sure if there is some legal precedent or anything, but it's not a binding document.  So, I can add on all kinds of other ridiculous demands.  If you have any suggestions, fire away. LOL. Judging from what their requirements were for this position. It's nothing more than a glorified administrative assistant position. I probably wouldn't take it anyway, being a construction company, unless they gave me damned near everything I wanted. Well, I just hope that I get one of these damned jobs. I'm really jonesin' to buy hardware to upgrade my computer.

Interview

Went on the interview today. I thought I sucked, quite personally, but apparently they liked me so much they called within an hour of my leaving their facility for a second interview on Friday. The interviewing manager was kinda hot, and it was funny because he kept sort of forgetting his questions.  I think the clincher was that they apparently liked my approach of asking lots of questions, because he said that it felt as if HE was the one being interviewed and he was impressed. Bad news is the interview Friday is at 8:30 am which means I have to LEAVE my house at 6:15 to make sure I get there in time.  Other bad news is that I was supposed to meet that guy in Chicago later that night, and there is no way in hell I'm driving back home (1.5 - 2 hours) and then driving back a few hours later. On Fridays the traffic is atrocious in the city *sigh*. I wouldn't mind taking up some time shoe shopping, or going to MAC  if I knew I would get the ok on the new job by the end of the interview LOL. Errr, what happens during a second interview? I better do some research today and see what I should expect. BTW, here is the article about them catching the fucker that hurt my friend's daughter.

No Shit, Sherlock

Ran across this as "breaking news" on a newswire site.

"In light of recent news related to salmonella and potential produce contamination, the Partnership for FoodSafety Education advises consumers to follow four simple steps to reduce their risk of contracting foodborne illness from fresh fruits and vegetables and other foods:    *  CLEAN: Most importantly, always wash your hands before preparing and/or eating any foods.  To fight bacteria, always wash fresh fruits and vegetables under running tap water.  Before preparing food, thoroughly clean kitchen appliances, cutting boards, utensils and countertops with warm water and soap."

Russian Roulette

Ok, first of all, I have a job interview tomorrow. Wish me luck...It's not anywhere near as ungodly far as the last one, only 1.5 hours away.  Apparently, there are some rather nice apartments that are only about $100 more per month than the ones in my town, so even with cost of living as far as the location and salary are concerned I should do quite nicely.  (I won't get the job.) Anywho, the job is not what I am worried about. What I am worried about is my date on Friday. Yes, Grau, the dance has begun *maniacal laughter*. First of all, I have to inform you that this is basically the reason I was prompted into blogging. Grau always got a kick out of the psychos I go on dates with. I have a modus operandi that was enacted a year or two ago: If the guy doesn't seem like a homicidal maniac or skeeze, I will go out with him at least once. My friends say that I am too picky (was engaged twice - first one lived in Sweden and claimed that working gave him ulcers; second one lived in Germany and was an alcoholic). So, I decided to lower my standards and at least accept the free food and movie combo that usually occurs on first dates. Hell, none of my friends can go to movies, and I'm broke right now. That equals a win-win situation for me. He seems like a nice young boy. How's this for not being picky:

• 22 years old,
• Puerto Rican,
• Bullet lodged in hip and/or lower back,
• Prior arrest record,
• Lives in Chicago on probation,

Seems like a perfectly nice guy, right? Ok, in all seriousness, I'm taking a knife and going to see Spiderman 2 with him.  I REALLY wanna see Spiderman 2. All of my friends have seen it, and I wasn't invited so it's either the thug, or me, myself, and I. He and I have been chatting online and phone since February. I must admit he's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he seems sincerely nice, and actually has ambition so...whatever.  I'm just hoping this doesn't turn into one of my typical dates where you have informed the dumbass for months you don't screw on the first date and then they get all pissed off cause you won't go back to a hotel with em after dinner. Pray for my immortal soul, will ya?

Good News

They apparently caught the fucker that abducted and molested my friend's 12 year old daughter. *sigh of relief* Apparently, he has a $250,000 bond and a minimum of 48 years. Oh, and we all know what happens to sex offenders who hurt kids in jail - for they are the scum de la scum. We can all hope the shivs are sharp and hit vital organs! Ok, off to watch a bootleg version of Troy...mmmmm..muscle-bound men in skimpy outfits..Weeeeeeee!!