Too Funny

I was checking my stats on Site Meter and came across one of the Referral URLs. Sorry, but this is not really how I thought I would be run across. If this keeps up. I might start a URL Referral of the Week post. Keyword search on yahoo was for: fruits and vegetables cleanse the blood? I came up number 1 with the blurb:

Cleanse the World; Rivers of Blood ... Cleanse the World; Rivers of Blood. The psychotic ramblings of a clinically depressed midget with ... contracting foodborne illness from fresh fruits and vegetables and other foods: ...

Wowsa

Ok, I dunno if it's me or blogger, but I just got my previous comments back...This is getting spooky, cause I know for damned sure they weren't there a minute ago. I checked the goddamned archives. I need alcohol. Mazeltov.

How Weird

I clicked on a couple of things and apparently got the comments working again. Though I seem to have lost the comments made on previous posts. If you are at all confused you have to click on the time and it will open another window with the original post where it states Post a Comment.

Well, hello there!

Welcome to the updated blog. New, Improved and Noncommentable! I have to figure out how the hell to get this fixed. BTW, don't see M. Night Shamalamadingdong's The Village . It was predictable, and quite boring.

Cooking

I was reading a post on a friends blog about cooking and my comment to it made me think of a weird little quirk I have. When I'm not feeling particularly happy with life. Whether I'm anxious about something, or scared about something, or just not feeling up to par, I cook. I've been cooking like a banshee when I've been home the past couple of weeks. I've made banana crumb muffins, blueberry pound cake, oatmeal cookies, scones, crumpets, apple dumplings, shrimp bisque,chocolate chunk cookies, ice cream, been barbequing salmon, steaks, and chicken wings, and a myriad of other items. The weird thing about it is that it's not JUST the cooking that does "it" for me, it's feeding it to someone else and having them appreciate my efforts and feel the love and depth of feeling that I put into a dish or baked good. Lately, since I'm single, I cook, and most of it goes to waste. I try to pawn it off on friends, but that usually backfires because my grandmother grew up in the depression era and has this "thing" about giving food away to strangers....yet..they won't eat most of it because I cook "white people food" go figure. Anywho, I grew up in an italian family (yes, I'm black, stop being confused Bou), and it's damned near impossible to cook in small quantities. You are always prepared to feed a large army or small country, depending on how much freezer/refrigerator space you have. But, in writing my comment on LJ's board, I came to realize "Food IS Love". There is NOTHING compared to rolling out pasta dough by hand, running it through the Atlas pasta machine, cutting out your shapes, filling and rolling up your tortellini into those funny belly-button shapes, EXCEPT for the near orgasmic moans coming from a friend who has never had fresh, home-made HAND-made pasta before. There's nothing like adding that chiffonade of basil to your tomato sauce as a final addition EXCEPT having someone eating your dish of choice asking which brand of spaghetti sauce you used, because it's to die for, only to tell them it's your brand, and not to be bottled or branded because it never turns out the same way twice. Hell, I still get comments about the jambalaya I made for a get-together 2-3 years ago where they offer to give me money to make it again, provided I remember to remove the shells from the shrimp next time. Hahahah, ok, so there have been a few mistakes, but it was still damned tasty. And I doubt that it would have been so tasty if I hadn't taken two days to make it. I created the andouille sausage from scratch, found the largest, freshest shrimp I could find, used hand chopped garlic, and did a myriad of other things to make that dish MINE...When you cook for those you love, you can do nothing less than impart a bit of yourself into a dish and it's that attention to detail involved in creating the final product that makes it so damned good for the cook and their happy, full-bellied diner.

Where are those happy pills when you need them?

Well, it seems my depression is getting worse. I've reached the point where I'm crying (and I am NOT a crier except when pets or close relatives die), completely lost my appetite (though I got foully hungry yesterday right after the dentist told me I couldn't eat for 2 hours - psychosomatic I'm sure), either sleeping for 16+ or 3 hours a day, completely no motivation do do basic things like bathe (I'm down to 1 shower a day *sigh*), and the only people I would like to see are the kids of one set of my friends. Sooooo, suffice it to say my world is not full of puppy dogs, fluffy clouds and rainbows. And until I get a better perspective on things and will most decidedly not cause a few of my scant amount of readers to consider blowing a hole through their OWN heads, I'm going to take a little break. I shall be forced to hang out with friends next Saturday (If I'm still here - not meaning anything ominous by it, just might go visit my friend in Wisconsin next weekend)so human interaction will be kept at a minimum. Well, if Grau remembers to call me about the movie today I might go do that, but he won't..or else he'll cancel - 'tis his modus operandi. So all bets are on my self-inflicted solitude. Maybe I can get enough motivation to clean up the boxes I had to move today. (Seems every vestige of my existence had to be removed from the living room. I am a non-person. HA!) There might be an odd post or two this week. Or else I have just jinxed myself into a plethora of posting. Kind of like I did after that last rant I had about no one reads my site, so I'm done..and then I got some responses and I felt bad so I posted a bunch of shit within the next few days. But, I promise that it won't be "poor me...*wah, wah...my life sucks" type crap. I wish I had money for booze. Damn, I might have to go to a friend's house to get all liquored up tonight...There goes self-inflicted solitude.

Ahhhh, Good Times

Well, remember that job interview I was supposed to hear about yesterday before end of business? Well, today, around 3:30-4:30 I found out that I did not get the job...SURPRISE!!! Since I don't really have a customer service background - and the second round of interviews didn't go as swimmingly as the first - I pretty much knew the outcome of that venture. But, the interview I went for at the beginning of this week...the girl liked me so much she recommended me to another lady with a position that required a "higher skillset than the previous position [I] applied for". So, she wants me to come in Monday for another interview. She seemed really apologetic for asking me to come back to the same place so soon. It probably won't pan out, but I can try to look at the positive side and consider that I am at least getting good interview practice. I seem to be getting better at bs'ing and not sounding like a complete ignoramous when confronted with real-live one-on-one convos with strangers.

Gimps 'r Us

I'm thinking of doing an online store sort of like this one: The Gimp Store. Except I have a few other ideas for posters, art, jewelry. The owner says she will link to me on her site. I figure there might be a niche market for my particular brand of humor. Though, nothing I ever really attempt is very successful. Oh, this site Gimps Gone Wild, I find to be kinda disturbing in a way, though...can't quite put my finger on WHY. I mean gimp-lovers need porn too.

Freaking OUT!!

I have been freaking out all day waiting to hear back about the two jobs I interviewed for.  I am supposed to hear back about the one in Itasca by EOB today. Not particularly thinking I got that one, but they "like me" (their words not mine). The job in town that I interviewed for on Monday was supposed to let me know by the end of the week, but I called today to see if they would have a decision by Friday, and to ask if I was still in contention (yeah, I know faux pas). She stated that they wouldn't have a final decision until the end of next week.  Good lord...I am the queen of instant gratification and have been completely nerve-wracked with all of this waiting. Every time the phone rings I feel like one of Pavlov's salivating dogs - running to the nearest phone at top speed. I do not run, so this is major. Today I spent a crapload of time on the phone trying to maintain my singular network contact for IT. I suck at networking and wish they offered free classes at the library. I am not a people person and feel stupid calling people up and trying to bs with them "Ohh, so how are you doing? How are the kids? Will you hire me or tell me about someone who IS hiring???? PLEASE...OH GOD..PLEASE???" He's a really nice guy, but he seems to be up shit creek lately too. Everyone in this town as far as IT is concerned is up shit creek. Well, I made an appointment with the local CMS office to talk to a career councilor about possible state titles I could apply for.  The governor FINALLY approved the budget so they should be able to negotiate how the money is to be spent within departments and begin their hiring processes soon for sorely needed staff.  I'm hoping to get in on the ground floor, wait things out for 6 months and then apply for something I'm actually qualified for.  Weird thing is, the lowest position they said I qualified for was an Office Assistant type position that pays around $25k a year. The ones I ACTUALLY qualified for were more like $45-50k a year. I am REALLY REALLY hoping that I manage to do well with whatever testing I have to take, and that my resume gets me decent points so that I can at least be held for consideration once they begin bringing people on in earnest. I really need a fucking job. I am getting soooo bummed out about this whole unemployment thing. It makes me feel as if everything I have worked towards these past few years was a pointless endeavor and a COMPLETE and utter waste of time. Everyone spouts the "something will come up soon" thing, but I'm starting to wonder. Something better come up soon, cause I've been having dreams of deep-throating the rifle in the basement.