6/21/2004
Pity Party
I am rather upset with the way my life is going at present. At 28 years of age, I am single, unemployed, and not financially secure or independant (aka living on my own). This is not how I intended for things to go. I figured after I graduated from college last year I would be on my own by the end of summer...HA, that didn't happen.
I am starting to become bitter. Yeah, I know you are thinking "how can she be more bitter than she already was? Is that humanly possible?" Let me tell you that it definately is possible. But, the sad thing is I look at the lives of other people, friends included, and realize I shouldn't be as depressed as I currently am.
I think my main issue is the fact that I know I am destined to do greater things. Not great things per se, but greater than the things I am currently doing. I suppose that anyone can do better than wallowing in a quagmire of self-pity, but it's hard to be objective about a situation when the person involved is yourself.
The depression wouldn't be so bad if I had the kind where I slept all day. Then each day would fade into the next. But noOOooOOoo, I get saddled with insomnia and my friends all have jobs or families, so it's not like I can pop over at 3am and make them cheer me up.
Anyway, that's neither here nor there. My main reason for posting isn't to be a downer, but because I have been somewhat introspective of late. Thinking about past relationships, jobs, goals and aspirations. Through the trials and tribulations of my immediate past I think I am gaining strength. Either I am gaining strength or I am rapidly falling into the depths of disillusionment and will become a homicidal maniac. If the latter is true it might be for the best: three squares, cable, and a free workout facility before I hit the electric chair.
Well...to make a long story short, since I don't really think I have told more than a handful of my friends about my future plans I want them to be forewarned that I might be moving out of state pretty soon - as in the next week or two. (NO I am not shacking up with the Dutch guy. Though he is hot and rather lickable. *slurp*) So, if you don't hear from me for a few months, that's likely what is going on.
No decision will be made until after I get a few things straightened out here, but I have to do it before I completely run out of money. Cie la vie, je suppose.
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8 comments:
Well, I know I will miss you, but you have to do what you need to. If moving out of state allows you to pursue your dreams and goals, go for it...and send me some cheese.
If there's one thing I've learned through the last several years of experience, it's that the phrase "That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" is in fact pretty accurate.
I've gone through some shitty points in my life (not that my life is exactly stellar at present, but..) and although they really sucked at the time I honestly feel I'm a better person because of them. (Although, er, a bit more cynical now than I used to be :P).
I've found that most of the time the things in life we plan for never actually happen. I was planning on having a nuclear family with a solid career by the age 25. And at age 32, I've gone though over a dozen girlfriends and the IT career was yanked out from under me (partially my own doing, through the decision to move back to the IT-less area my friends and family live in) and although I think it sucks I've pretty much accepted it now. There will be more girls. There will be more jobs. Eventually one of each will stick.
Until then I'm just going to consider everything a very long series of "test drives" ;)
-S
"There will be more girls. There will be more jobs. Eventually one of each will stick."
Are you telling me to become a lesbian?
Seriously, though, I am developing some serious self-esteem issues. Obviously, the current state of my life is MY fault. Too fat, too short, too black, too hideous, too open, too combative, too not able to take crap from people, too uncouth, too many personalities. The list is neverending because there has to be something or many things wrong with ME to make me end up this way.
Silver lining: I know that things will work out for you S, you are an amazing guy. Intelligent, funny, quirky, talented, sweet, and all that crap. I sort of look at the period you are going through as a period of adjustment, and it will make you appreciate that special job and that special someone so much more than if you hadn't gone through those experiences. Hopefully, you won't have to wait much longer.
Well in case I don't see you before you leave to... where ever you didn't say you where going... Good luck. And don't get into an legal trouble. And if you do, remember my legal advise is not binding!
We'll miss you.
95% chance it's Delaware, 5% chance it's California.
And you won't miss me, you lil shit...Unless you were hoping for more jambalaya. I left the cream cheese cookie and fatball recipes with yer wife, so there's no major loss in your world *snicker*.
Well I will miss you if you go, but don't go to California, it's going to fall into the ocean one day!
First off I'm a big shit, not a little shit. I've got about 90 pounds to go before I start even thinking of myself as a little shit! Secondly we will miss you. And if you don't believe me I'll use a slap stapler to attach notes to you proving it!
Well, blogspot is free... and I'm just hoping you end up with access to a computer wherever you go, so you can still blog and so I can still read what you have to say. I like what's going on in your head. I like hearing it. And I don't know you. At all.
I'm 10 years older than you and I've been through some pretty bad stuff, none of which I can ever blog about. I look back and know that who I am NOW is a direct reflection on what occured then and the decisions I make, are far different than they would have been if what had occured, had not. I'm not necessarily a better person for it, but perhaps wiser is a better term.
Good luck on your journey. Keep blogging if you can. I'll read.
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