OOGIES

Well, a few minutes ago I was going through a bag filled with old paperwork. It was mostly crap from 2002 that I had decided was long in need of being trashed. Well, in the midst of going through my cleanup, I thought I heard something weird coming from the bag. Well...I took a peak inside, and came across my little friend. I was a bit taken aback for a second and had to close the bag and look back inside to make sure I wasn't on the paranoid side. Nope, little sucker was still there....damnit. Sooooo, after looking around for an implement of torture...errr...something to pick the snake up with - garter snake or not I'm not picking it up bare-handed - I realized I had nothing at all besides some clothes I was going to donate to Goodwill this week. Fuck...only thing I could think of doing was removing all of the papers and keeping the snake in the bag, which I would then dump outside. Unfortunately, I think he was a smart lil fucker and realized he had been caught, so he tried slithering his way up the bag. I looked down and there was his little head about 3/4" from my hand. I'm not a huge pussy but...errr....I dropped the bag. After about 5 minutes of handy Swiffer action (those things are good for clearing snakes from your house too, let me tell you) I got him the hell out of my house. I think I squished him a bit though. Garter snakes stink and I'm not altogether sure if that pungent aroma comes from them as a deterrant to predators, or after you squish em a bit too hard....But you try getting a snake out of you damned house armed with a Swiffer and tell me how you pinned the little bastard down oh so gently so as not to crush it in about 15 different places. I'm not one for killing creatures (besides bugs and people), but I'm starting to think I should just kill the snakes. I feel so bad for inflicting the big cruel world upon their broken bodies. The breaking is something I seem to be particularly good at no matter how gentle I try to be. All they want to do is hide away in a nice warm, dark spot. But, I squish them and make them fly...Hmmmm, maybe I'm doing them a favor. Yeah, I'll keep telling myself that the next time I crush and toss a snake outside. I'm sure I'll get plenty of opportunities. Yet another I look forward to moving into my own place: apartment in the suburbs of large cities rarely have snakes.