7/20/2004

No Shit, Sherlock

Ran across this as "breaking news" on a newswire site.
"In light of recent news related to salmonella and potential produce contamination, the Partnership for FoodSafety Education advises consumers to follow four simple steps to reduce their risk of contracting foodborne illness from fresh fruits and vegetables and other foods:    *  CLEAN: Most importantly, always wash your hands before preparing and/or eating any foods.  To fight bacteria, always wash fresh fruits and vegetables under running tap water.  Before preparing food, thoroughly clean kitchen appliances, cutting boards, utensils and countertops with warm water and soap."
* CLEAN: Most importantly, never wash your hands before preparing and/or eating any foods. Build up natural immunity to the viruses and bacteria growing on fruits and vegetables by licking the skin to clean them, and drying the fruits and vegetables by using your shirt, or a dirty dishrag. Before preparing food, thoroughly clean kitchen appliances, cutting boards, utensils and countertops with raw, bloody chicken.
 "*  CHILL: To keep harmful bacteria from growing and multiplying, refrigerate foods quickly, and keep the refrigerator set at 400F and the freezer unit at 00F, regularly checking these temperatures with an appliance thermometer."
*CHILL: To keep harmful bacteria from growing and multiplying, make sure to leave all foods uncovered, outside - this method is especially effective in the warmer months.  After waiting a few days, scrape off the maggots and eat the food underneath. Remember that maggots only eat dead ROTTEN flesh.
"*  SEPARATE: Cross-contamination is how bacteria spreads from one food to       another.  Cut away any damaged or bruised areas. Bacteria can thrive in these places.  Be sure to keep raw meat, poultry and seafood and their juices away from fruits and vegetables."
* SEPARATE: Refer to CHILL - separate the maggots from the food left sitting out for a few days. If there are any doubts about a product left outside in this matter just rub a piece of mouldy bread or cheese on the item in question, the penicillin will kill all harmful bacteria.
 "*  COOK: To kill the harmful bacteria that causes foodborne illness,  always cook foods thoroughly. To make sure the food is cooked thoroughly, always use a food thermometer to check the internal temperature of the food prior to eating."
* COOK:  To kill the harmful bacteria always make sure to cook the food in Cajun "blackened" style. Ensure that the internal temperature of the food is no more than 90F. This will ensure tenderness. Once the outside is blackened the inside has to be fine...right?!?